I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
