I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just fell off a train. Bad.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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