Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
