If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dicks are not precious.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
