if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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