I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You pole danced in your parka.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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