i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
