Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
