Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
