I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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