My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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