He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
