I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize