mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
