You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Im part way to drunk.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
