Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
