Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
