oh god the rape fog is back!
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
