I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
as a side note pls kill me
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
