Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
