My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
