What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
