Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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