being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
