Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
