dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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