so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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