its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
