a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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