Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
