Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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