lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
