you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
