I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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