is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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