Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
vagina is talking i cant
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
