Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
