She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize