I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
