You just made me feel so damn special
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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