We won't sleep together?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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