Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
