I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
