he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
