shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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