She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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