Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
