You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
