its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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