It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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