fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
