I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
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