it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
