On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
