dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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