he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just found puke in my bra..
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Drake has all the answers
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
