Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
