I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
