i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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