my phone needs a breathalizer
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
