Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
