God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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