I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm always down for nudity.
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