There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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